NEVER UNDERESTIMATE AN OLD WOMAN

As usual, I have been reading up stuff everywhere and I read this joke which i think will be okay to share:

A grandmother went into the Bank of Nigeria one day carrying a bag of money.

She insisted that she must absolutely speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right).

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.

She replied "1 million Naira" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of curious as to how she got the money, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying this much money around. Where did you get this money?"

The grandmother replied, "I make bets."

The bank president then asked, "Bets!? What kind of bets?

The grandmother said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you 25,000 Naira that your balls are square."

"Ha! ha ha ha!!!" laughed the president. "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"

The grandmother challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"

"Sure", replied the president, "I'll bet you 25,000 Naira that my balls are not square!"

The grandmother then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tommorrow at 10:00am as a witness?

"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror checking his balls. Turning from side to side, again and again. He thorougly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00am the grandmother appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "25,000 Naira says the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.

The president did.

The grandmother peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, okay," said the president, "25,000 Naira is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure".

Just then, he noticed the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.

The president asked the the grandmother, "What the hell is the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him 100,000 Naira that at 10:00am, I'd have the Bank of Nigeria's president's balls in my hand."

IT SURELY PAYS TO BE A NIGERIAN

It Pays to be a Nigerian



A man died & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he"ll pick the least painful to spend his
eternity.

He goes to the German hell & asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of
nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.



He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell.


Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long queue of people waiting to get in...Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you
for the rest of the day."
But that is exactly the same as all the other hells, why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man. A concerned fellow calls him aside
and said, "Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair doesn"t work.
The nails were paid for but were never supplied by the contractor, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for other business!!"

................. IT PAYS TO BE A NIGERIAN

HOLY COFFIN: PASTORS, CARPENTER ON A WAR PATH OVER HOLY COFFIN

I READ THIS PIECE IN A NEWSPAPER, IT IS VERY FUNNY TO ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK OUT THERE?
SOURCE: SUN NEWSPAPER.

A coffin, naturally, is a fearsome piece of furniture which nobody however rich, would like to buy and keep in the house for whatever reason, irrespective of its artistic design.
But a new design of coffin has now put a carpenter and some pastors in Akwa Ibom State on a collision course.

The coffin designed like a Holy Bible by Mr. Friday Bassey Ibanga, at Nung Oku-Ibesikpo, a suburb of Uyo, is the cause of the rift between the designer and the clerics.

Ibanga told Daily Sun that some “wuruwuru pastors” had come several times to warn him against designing such a coffin. “One of them even came to tell me that God asked him to come and warn me to stop designing coffins like a Bible.

“But I’m fulfiling the word of God because God said that somebody will die, so I’m supporting that biblical passage that man will return to sand”.

What, however, seems to push him into the design is the demand. “People like the design a lot but it is difficult to design that is why it is costly. Each costs N60,000 while ordinary coffin is between N20,000 and N25000 depending on the wood. If it were easier to make, I would be producing many because people like it but what scares them is the price”

Bassey, who is from Nsit Ubium Local Government area of the state, said he preferred to construct coffins to other pieces of furniture because it is easier to make and the market is good.
“You don’t have headache if you produce coffin. There is no disappointment. If I get an order today, by tomorrow, the job is complete, that is for ordinary coffin. There is no spiritual attack if you make coffin unless the maker gets involved in some other diabolical things. When I came here newly, I used to sleep inside it until the landlady pleaded with me to come and sleep inside the house. My wife is not against my work”, he explained.

He insisted that he would continue to do the coffin business, especially, the Bible design as long as there is there is demand for it.

But Rev. Inem Eshiet, of Qua Iboe Church and a supervisor of health in Onna Local Government area of the state frowned at such coffin designs. “It is sycophancy. It is making a caricature of the Holy Bible. It is a misnomer. CAN (Christian Association of Nigeria) should condemn it in the strongest of terms. I believe the state chairman of CAN or PFN would make a categorical statement on it. As for me, I condemn it.”

The state chairman of PFN, Apostle Cletus Bassey was not in office when Daily Sun called but a pastor in his office, Princewill Daniel, who insisted that he was speaking for himself, said designing a coffin like a Bible was only a “marketing strategy. They are targeting Christians to buy, maybe, to bury their leaders.
“But God is the final arbiter. It doesn’t matter where or how somebody is buried. I know some Christians would be furious thinking that it is sacrilegious; that it is trivializing the Holy Bible, but let’s leave that to God”.